Just Enough

I recognize my life still. Despite Mike's treatments, I have tried to maintain normalcy for our family between work, mealtimes, bedtimes, playdates, summer activities, chores. All the daily and weekly occurrences we all live with.  However, the low level of stress over time wears our family down and I lack my typical level of patience. My family sees it and I feel badly for not having more patience.

So I am giving up on the idea of perfect patience. I forgive myself for being snappy, short-tempered and hurried. I accept imperfect patience, an imperfect summer, and an imperfect world.  I look for solace in the moments where there is just enough patience and humor to clean sticky lemonade spills (again), laugh at my irrational behavior, and tuck the kids in at the end of a difficult day.

Have patience with all things, but chiefly have patience with yourself.  Do not lose courage in considering your own imperfections, but instantly set about remedying them - every day begin the task anew. 

~ St. Francis de Sales

Mid-Summer Family Photo

Week 18

I had my fourth round of chemo and (on a sarcastic note) what fun that was. Just as I was getting my taste and hair back after surgery, it is quickly taken away again. On a brighter note, I only have two more rounds of chemo treatment and should be done around mid September. Since my last blog entry I found myself a little down and trying to process the diagnosis, treatments, and life after all this is done. I started focusing on what I do not control which inevitably puts me in the wrong mindset. After talking with a friend and thinking about what I do control, I think it's okay to be pissed off that I'm going through this up and down journey.

My Meeting with the Oncologist

I met with my oncologist last Tuesday for a post-surgery follow-up and to learn results of the tumor analysis. The surgeon removed the entire sarcoma and the margins are good; this is great news. I had about 30% necrosis (or death) of the tumor; the oncologist and surgeon hoped to see about 80% necrosis. I will continue with the treatment plan; I have three more rounds of chemo.

There is a 67% chance the sarcoma will not come back or metastasize. After September, I will have CT scans every 4 months to make sure my lungs stay clear. The highest likelihood of recurrence is in the first 2 to 3 years.

To be honest, I wish the news was better and the tumor had responded more to chemo; though I am still in a good place. All 19 stamples are now removed from my leg and I am on the mend. The journey continues.

Half Way Point

I am half way through treatments; I had surgery Monday morning to remove the tumor. The mass removed from my leg was approximately 3.5 inches long; the incision is about 9 inches long. I am surprised how well I am feeling. For me, the surgery has been easier than the chemo; the chemo side effects last much longer. I haven't needed pain medication since Tuesday morning. I plan to return to work this Friday.

The hardest part is giving myself shots in the stomach to prevent post-surgery blood clots. I now have some understanding of what diabetics go through. In two weeks, I meet with the surgeon and oncologist. If the tumor has responded to chemo (i.e. shows signs of dying) then I will have three more chemo cycles. If there has been no effect on the tumor then I may not have any more chemo.

I want to thank everyone for the phone calls, texts, thoughts and prayers sent my way. I truly appreciate it.

Room With a View

I’m sorry I haven’t written for some time. During my third chemo treatment, I had a room with a great view of downtown , Mt Hood, Mt Adams and Mt St Helens.

Here is a quick update on were things are right now. I am half way through my chemo treatments and I completed eight days of radiation. The end of this month the surgeon will remove my tumor. I have been very fortunate and haven’t felt ill from chemo or the radiation treatments. The biggest side effect for me is fatigue.

My doctor did a rough measurement and believes my tumor shrunk by 1 cm. I had an MRI today so I will know more accurate measures later this week.