We are done. My last chemo treatment was six weeks ago. I took my last trial drug pill about 3 weeks ago. Last week I had my lungs scanned; my lungs are clear. I will go in every 4 months for the next year to make sure my lungs stay clear.

I am cured, cancer-free. The word "remission" means temporary; it's a dirty word. Each day I feel better and my family and I gain distance from our unwelcomed guest who is no longer with us. Good riddance.

It took the help and support of our families, our coworkers, our neighbors and friends to come through this. Every prayer, email, notecard, text message, phone call, bouquet, book, meal, and babysitting break gave us refuge and strength to heal. Thank you so much for your support.

Just Enough

I recognize my life still. Despite Mike's treatments, I have tried to maintain normalcy for our family between work, mealtimes, bedtimes, playdates, summer activities, chores. All the daily and weekly occurrences we all live with.  However, the low level of stress over time wears our family down and I lack my typical level of patience. My family sees it and I feel badly for not having more patience.

So I am giving up on the idea of perfect patience. I forgive myself for being snappy, short-tempered and hurried. I accept imperfect patience, an imperfect summer, and an imperfect world.  I look for solace in the moments where there is just enough patience and humor to clean sticky lemonade spills (again), laugh at my irrational behavior, and tuck the kids in at the end of a difficult day.

Have patience with all things, but chiefly have patience with yourself.  Do not lose courage in considering your own imperfections, but instantly set about remedying them - every day begin the task anew. 

~ St. Francis de Sales

Mid-Summer Family Photo

Week 18

I had my fourth round of chemo and (on a sarcastic note) what fun that was. Just as I was getting my taste and hair back after surgery, it is quickly taken away again. On a brighter note, I only have two more rounds of chemo treatment and should be done around mid September. Since my last blog entry I found myself a little down and trying to process the diagnosis, treatments, and life after all this is done. I started focusing on what I do not control which inevitably puts me in the wrong mindset. After talking with a friend and thinking about what I do control, I think it's okay to be pissed off that I'm going through this up and down journey.

My Meeting with the Oncologist

I met with my oncologist last Tuesday for a post-surgery follow-up and to learn results of the tumor analysis. The surgeon removed the entire sarcoma and the margins are good; this is great news. I had about 30% necrosis (or death) of the tumor; the oncologist and surgeon hoped to see about 80% necrosis. I will continue with the treatment plan; I have three more rounds of chemo.

There is a 67% chance the sarcoma will not come back or metastasize. After September, I will have CT scans every 4 months to make sure my lungs stay clear. The highest likelihood of recurrence is in the first 2 to 3 years.

To be honest, I wish the news was better and the tumor had responded more to chemo; though I am still in a good place. All 19 stamples are now removed from my leg and I am on the mend. The journey continues.

Half Way Point

I am half way through treatments; I had surgery Monday morning to remove the tumor. The mass removed from my leg was approximately 3.5 inches long; the incision is about 9 inches long. I am surprised how well I am feeling. For me, the surgery has been easier than the chemo; the chemo side effects last much longer. I haven't needed pain medication since Tuesday morning. I plan to return to work this Friday.

The hardest part is giving myself shots in the stomach to prevent post-surgery blood clots. I now have some understanding of what diabetics go through. In two weeks, I meet with the surgeon and oncologist. If the tumor has responded to chemo (i.e. shows signs of dying) then I will have three more chemo cycles. If there has been no effect on the tumor then I may not have any more chemo.

I want to thank everyone for the phone calls, texts, thoughts and prayers sent my way. I truly appreciate it.